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I
couldn't do anything without rituals. They transcended
every aspect of my life. Counting was big for me. When
I set my alarm at night, I had to set it to a number that
wouldn't add up to a "bad" number. If my sister was 33
and I was 24, I couldn't leave the TV on Channel 33 or
24. I would wash my hair three times as opposed to once
because three was a good luck number and one wasn't. It
took me longer to read because I'd count the lines in
a paragraph. If I was writing a term paper, I couldn't
have a certain number of words on a line if it added up
to a bad number. I was always worried that if I didn't
do something, my parents were going to die. Or I would
worry about harming my parents, which was completely irrational.
I couldn't wear anything that said Boston because my parents
were from Boston. I couldn't write the word "death" because
I was worried that something bad would happen.
"Getting dressed
in the morning was tough because I had a routine, and
if I deviated from that routine, I'd have to get dressed
again. I knew the rituals didn't make sense, but I couldn't
seem to overcome them until I had therapy."
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